Right
now my research interests lie in the field of paternal psychology. I believe
that this interest stems from my relationship with my father. Our relationship
has been strained on and off since childhood. Growing up, my father was a drug
addict and alcoholic. He was in and out of jail for DUIs, probation violations,
escape. After he had an affair on my mom, my parents divorced when I was seven.
As a result, my father's addictions spiraled out of control. For fear of my
father's vices killing him and his undying love for my mother, my parents
reconciled and remarried when I was twelve. The typical teenage attitude
coupled with the animosity I harbored toward my father festered inside of me
for many years. Although the drug use stopped (to my knowledge), the drinking
continued. It would go through functional phases and it would go through not so
function phases.
At
this lowest point my father attempted suicide when I was fifteen. My mother was
working midnights that night and my brother and I were the only ones home.
Together we saved my father’s life. My brother and I are the sole reason my
father survived his attempt. Upon sobering up and realizing his actions my dad
took no responsibility. He actually checked himself out of the hospital against
doctors’ orders and never sought psychiatric help. Needless to say, I was
livid. But like most of my family chaos, this event was swept under the rug of
ignorance.
When
I was sixteen my mother had an affair and my burning feelings of hate were
subsequently projected towards her. This projection allowed me to start to forget
forgive and get to know my father better. I choose to live with him instead of
my mother for a short period of time. Bouncing between homes got older and
eventually it was the most economically feasible to live with my mother. After
leaving home for college I went through more rough patches with my father but
the distance made me appreciate his presence more. We worked towards getting to
know each other better. My father and I’s relationship is still a work in
progress now. He may not be the traditional father and I may not be the traditional daddy’s
girl but we’ve come a long way and our relationship is extremely important to me now.
When
I began searching for research topics of interest I knew I wanted to do
something family-orientated. Originally, I wanted to study resilience in
siblings. But once I discovered
the lack of research on fathers my intuition yearned for me to harness my life
experiences with my father and channel them into something productive for the
greater good. Currently, I am researching fathers’ of children with
disabilities. Specifically in the fields of work and male-male friendship
perceptions/changes as a result of having a child with CHARGE Syndrome.
So
why am I telling you about my history and current research interests? I believe
that if we as a society can begin to stop framing our fathers as “invisible
parents” we can help families become mentally, physically and spiritually
stable. I did not have a stable childhood. Now, this does not mean that I had a
bad childhood. I know that my story evokes pity from a lot of people; I was
dealt a shitty hand of cards. But let me assure you, I do not look at it this
way. I believe I was given these life experiences because I have always been a
strong, futuristic person. If I can disseminate my story and where I’ve been,
maybe I can help people to aspire to help themselves and go great lengths like I have. I want to
help society realize that our fathers are just as important to a child’s wellbeing
and upbringing as our mothers are. We NEED to give fathers attention, support
and reinforcement so that they can confidently raise strong children. My
father, fatherless at the age of two, was never given this confidence.
They
say you find your voice through four primary components:
1.
The need
2.
Your conscience
3.
Your talents
4.
Your passion
I
can sit here and confidently type that I believe my voice is to help fathers. My conscience/talents/passion are all pulling me in that direction. Right
now I am beginning to research fathers of children with disabilities. Ideally I
want to help fathers from all different walks of life.
